Anotherandom - PAIN & LOVE - Black

’m just tired.
Not the kind of tired that sleep fixes.
Not the kind that coffee can burn away.
It’s heavier, like something’s sitting on my chest, and every breath feels borrowed.

So fucking tired of learning the same lesson, over and over again.
I keep giving everything soft in me, hoping it means something,
but all it ever does is remind me that nothing stays.

Kindness just gets me gutted.
Being open just gets me torn apart.
And everyone keeps saying pain makes you stronger, but it doesn’t.

It just makes you quieter, and smaller.

There’s this turbulence inside me, crashing non-stop,
while on the outside I feel nothing.
It’s like I’m wearing a smile that doesn’t belong to me.
I stare at the ceiling sometimes and wonder
why all this pain used to be love,
like love was ever holy in the first place.

All this pain used to be love.
And I’m just so fucking tired of pretending it’s beautiful.
It never was.